i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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