I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
