Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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