I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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