Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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