I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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