apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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