Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize