we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
