He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
