I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
