i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
