I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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