I heard we made out
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
