I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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