Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
