Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
