I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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