I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
