oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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