I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
