I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
