i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just want to make out with him forever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There are leaves in my underwear?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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