The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
