If that was your dad, he is hot
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
