I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Drunk is a universal language darling
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
