I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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