i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
