This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
