Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
