there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
