i jhust puked up my retainher.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
