Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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