Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
