It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Buhtt sex?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
