My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
