My first STD was from a foam party
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
