8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
