Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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