I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
