my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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