So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
