I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
