I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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