just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
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Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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