Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
