and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
