It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
