Umm I'm too high to move.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize