bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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