this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
