did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
