First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
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There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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