you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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