I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
