I skipped work to stalk him.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
