did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
