I look better un-naked...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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