If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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