Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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