So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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