No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
