dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
