Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
