If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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