just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
