we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
