just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
