I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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