shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
