if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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